Better Watch Out: A Twist on Christmas Invasion

bettter watch out movie posterBetter Watch Out is a little gem available on Amazon Prime for a buck to rent that I decided to try out on Christmas day. With the marketing material, it would seem that this would be the perfect new horror movie to watch on the holiday, but it is a bit misleading. Aside from the house being decked out with Christmas decorations, and a slight bit of tension with some outside decorations falling at an inopportune moment, it doesn’t live up to it’s Christmas scene. Which is disappointing but not terrible because the film still delivers. Continue reading

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Hell House LLC Delivers a Decent Found Footage Experience

Hell House LLCAmazon Prime is a great resource for shopping and a few shows and movies here and there. But in my personal experience, I have had just the worst luck with horror movies. I mean the ones you rent or buy are fine, but the Horror Prime selection has always been weak with a difficult rating system to follow. Do their star ratings go off of your previous habits, off of other people with similar taste, and why can’t I rate an item after watching it anymore? So when trying to find a new horror film after exhausting curated lists online of what movies to watch on what streaming site, I tend to go for a film that is rated 3.5 stars or more on Prime for my horror addition.

It proved a worthy system this weekend with a 2/3 success rate. I binged on Dead Body (winner), Red Christmas (loser), which then suggested All Through the House (a major loser as I stopped after about 10 minutes, that tit stab in the shower was where I ended), and then went searching again and found the lovely Hell House LLC. Which is what we will talk about today. It is, by all means, an Indie horror film that was released in 2015 but also screened in 2016 by some outlets.  Continue reading

Stitches (2012)

Stitches poster

A Clown with a Killer Attitude

Stitches is a a fun clever horror movie that delivers on so many damn levels it’s hard to believe that is took my this long to watch it. The comedy, horror was recently added to Netflix this year, and had been in my queue for a hot minute. The film begins brilliantly, with a clown fucking his mistress in full get-up, to only be disrupted with an alarm reminding him of a bastard’s party he has to entertain at. And even though Stitches, our clown (Ross Noble), isn’t the best entertainer, the kids at the party are just the worst! While the kids razz both Stitches, his jokes, and his tricks, they decide to play a mean joke on him and knock him over after one of the ass hole kids tie up his over-sized shoelaces. Continue reading

The Quiet Ones (2014)

"INSPIRED BY ACTUAL EVENTS"

“INSPIRED BY ACTUAL EVENTS”

The Quiet Ones is a supernatural, demonic horror film with a slow build and a fizzle of a climax. It is yet another “inspired by actual events” story of a young girl possessed by an inexpiable personality. It takes place during the 70s (typical) and follows a professor (Jared Harris), two of this doting students (Erin Richards and Rory Fleck-Byrne), and a young camera-man (Sam Claflin) looking to gain some experience and a bit of knowledge about a young, disturbed girl (Olivia Cooke, Emma of Bates Hotel) and her “medical treatment.” Continue reading

Unfriended

Unfriended (2015)

Unfriended Poster

Poster

Unfriended is a new type of found footage supernatural horror movie from the mind of Nelson Greaves and Levan Gabriadze, two relatively unknown Hollywood players new to the playing field. The story follows a group of friends who possibly bullied a girl enough to commit suicide. A girl, Laura Barns, who was supposedly a friend of theirs. The poor thing had a nasty video posted online of her, I will exclude the details of said video, as the mystery is part of the fun for the film, but even though the video itself isn’t that terrible, the bullying that follows is. 

Unfreinded is a film that represents today’s young adults in a clever and jaunting manner. A certain genre of horror has always represented what today’s youth use on a regular basis. The horror manifests from the seemingly daily objects that have become a HUGE part of their daily lives. See Paranormal Activity, One Missed Call, The RingPoltergeist, and Christine as a reminder for nearly every decade. And for that reason alone, Unfriended, which takes place all in one take while on a group Skype call between high school friends, is a brilliant movie for teenagers. There’s a bit of sex, enough gore, and just enough social satire to wake up the youths of today about show shitty cyber-bulling can be….. And that the dead bullied will return from the dead to kill off her bullies in by far the most deserving manner. Continue reading

IT FOLLOWS (2015)

It Follows Poster

It Follows Poster

It Followsdirected and written by David Robert Mitchell, is an urban legend gone wrong, by actually happening to poor Jay (Maika Monroe). Our protagonist Jay (possible short for Jamie *cough, Jamie Lee Curtis, cough*) is followed by what could be cleverly called a Sexually Transmitted Demon, after sleeping with Hugh (Jake Weary), a guy she presumably thought she knew. Jay and her family believes that Hugh (real name Jeff) just fucked with her mind, telling her that this shape-shifting supernatural being that was walking slowly towards Jay while Hugh had her drugged and tied to a wheelchair, would come after her and kill her. If it killed her it would come back after him and it will never stop walking towards its’ next victim. It’s slow, but never put yourself in a room with just one door, because it will get ya! But Hugh/Jeff wasn’t just fucking with Jay, Jay was about to learn quickly that this demon that only she and other infected’s could see was very real. 

It Follows works so well, and is legitimately “one of the most striking American horror films in years” because of the cinematography choices and musical score. You remember how you felt the first time you watched John Carpenter‘s Halloween? How you were looking for “the shape” in the background of every scene? How the music put you on edge and made you fear for the lives of the babysitters on screen? How just the right influx of music made you shiver at the pure thought of this thing getting closer to you? That’s what It Follows does, and it does it spectacularly. It also makes me nervous about sleeping around with people I hardly know. Luckily I am in a stable relationship and don’t have to worry about this demon that can look like anyone I know popping up in my life anytime soon. Because It Follows is spectacularly spooky. 

Animal (2014)

Said Naked-Mole Rat Humanoid Crossbreed

Said Naked-Mole Rat Humanoid Crossbreed

Animal is a 2014 creature feature that is a fun romp through the forest from beginning to end. The film is about 2 bickering biracial siblings taking their significant others, and a 5th gay wheel, to an old family hiking spot for some relaxing exertion? Why do people hike in groups? That’s just asking for trouble, and trouble is delivered.

The cast is filled out by some veteran actors and some newbs which make the movie both tolerable yet difficult to watch at certain points. The old live-action Peter Pan is in it, along with RJ Burger (who I love more than life itself), Big Daddy‘s shitty girlfriendRidge Forrester, and a Nickelodeon star in her first ever horror movie (I’m assuming). It’s a pretty tight cast with only 8 members on screen, which is an interesting take for a creature horror movie. Continue reading

Wolf Creek 2

wolf creekSo last night my remote decided I wanted to watch 2013’s Wolf Creek 2. I was like:

Sure why not,  it may or may not be torture porn but like, it has 2 stars,  I’ve watched horror movies with a lower recommendation than that.

Now I’ll admit,  I’m not the biggest fan of the torture porn genre of horror.  It’s by far the lowest point of the genres,  but it takes a lot of balls and creativity to come up with some of the ways the killer massacres their victims. That is one point I’ll always give ’em. I also have not watched the original Wolf Creek from shit, was it 2005? I’m writing this on the mobile app,  tough to check that shit. Continue reading

Grabbers (2012)

grabbersGrabbers is a creature film that takes place in an island off the coast of Ireland and focuses around the whole town getting shit-faced to survive. Happy St. Patrick’s Day everyone.

To celebrate, I tried finding the most Irish movie on Netflix to watch (aside from the Leprechaun, because fuck that shit). With the help of Kris Holt, I decided on Jon Wright‘s Grabbers. The beginning of the film shows a bright, burning light falling down to the ocean surrounding the wee town. So it’s bit of a cross between creature and alien film but without the scares.  Continue reading

Dead Before Dawn: Zombies, Demons, and Curses, Oh my!

Dead Before Dawn poster

Dead Before Dawn poster

There is a gem out there, a movie that is beyond quirky, fun, clever, and laced with satire, I mean, really it is a “B movie” with backbone and brilliance. It will have your attention from the very first clumsy clip of our pitiful protagonist, and it will not let go of you. This bright and shiny new film based on tired, dopey tropes is Dead Before Dawn and can thankfully be viewed on Netflix, which is where I just so happen to find it while perusing the horror genre. It’s a Canadian Indie film that didn’t get much traction here in the U.S. because if it did, you know for a fact, this bitch would had been watching the overused 3D tricks in theaters.  April Mullen directs the 90 minute 2012 film with a freshness that pays constant tribute to a tired genre and brings  Tim Doiron‘s goofy yet clever screenplay to life. Continue reading