Animal (2014)

Said Naked-Mole Rat Humanoid Crossbreed

Said Naked-Mole Rat Humanoid Crossbreed

Animal is a 2014 creature feature that is a fun romp through the forest from beginning to end. The film is about 2 bickering biracial siblings taking their significant others, and a 5th gay wheel, to an old family hiking spot for some relaxing exertion? Why do people hike in groups? That’s just asking for trouble, and trouble is delivered.

The cast is filled out by some veteran actors and some newbs which make the movie both tolerable yet difficult to watch at certain points. The old live-action Peter Pan is in it, along with RJ Burger (who I love more than life itself), Big Daddy‘s shitty girlfriendRidge Forrester, and a Nickelodeon star in her first ever horror movie (I’m assuming). It’s a pretty tight cast with only 8 members on screen, which is an interesting take for a creature horror movie. Continue reading

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The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 1974 vs. 2003

2014’s 13 Days of Horror: Days 03 and 04 of BoOctober

1974 Original vs. 2003 Remake

Tobe Hooper scared the pants off of me when I was little. I was a bit young to be watching The Poltergeist before puberty, but alas, that was my up-bringing. Let’s keep in mind that the movie about the house filled with spooky sectors was actually rated PG though, because God knows what the hell the MPAA was thinking. A few years before we got suburbia built on top of a graveyard, we had Hooper direct and write the “supposedly” true story of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Which is an odd title for the 1974 film that started off the slasher genre and ushered in the horror tropes we now know and love. A.) Because the story it is supposedly based on actually took place in Wisconsin and B.) not only did the real “Leatherface” not have the weapon of choice be a chainsaw, but our original film hardly uses a chainsaw! Anyways, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is in my personal bottom slot of the slasher genre’s top four killers: Jason Vorhees, Michael Myers, Leatherface, and Freddy Krueger. The films have never really resonated at all with me, and the lack of enthusiasm that you read below is why. So sorry about my 10 comparisons and contrasts being short, and a bit lack-luster. But Hey! Day 05 and 06 will be on the Nightmare franchise, and I fucking love Freddy.  Continue reading

From Dusk Till Dawn (A Review)

So I have no idea why it has taken me just about a decade of personal viewing freedom to finally watch From Dusk Till Dawn, but today, May 12, 2012, I finally have. And may I just say, like always, I’m late to one gruesome, amazing party. This is definitely not the first Robert Rodriguez film that I have been exposed to, but hot damn, its probably my favorite now. I’ve tried catching the film on TV and let me tell you: bad idea. First time I tried viewing this, I missed the first ten minutes of it and thought it was droll as hell. This is a movie you need to watch uninterrupted by commercials, and from the beginning. Especially if you are into the gritty crime/action twisted with horror genre, this film will get you aroused.

The basis of the movie is revolved around two criminal brothers Seth and Richard Gecko (played brilliantly by George Clooney and Quentin Tarantino) who are trying to meet up with Seth’s “business partner” at a bar in Mexico called the Titty Twister. Apparently they need hostages to make it there and cross the boarder, so enter a broken family of 3: Jacob, Kate, and Scott Fuller. Jacob, the father, was once a priest, but lost faith when his wife died in a car accident (*shocker*). Kate and Scott, two teenagers trying to figure out where the hell their fathers faith went are struggling with the impromptu drive around the country in a trailer home bit, but the family in a whole keep it together for the most part when they become hostages. Kate, played by a young Juliette Lewis, is dynamite, playing young and innocent, but as the film goes on, she losses her innocence and becomes a bad ass, vampire fighting machine.

Where do the vampires come in you ask though? Oh about right around the half way marker, when the Gecko’s make the poor decision to treat the “Pussy” door man like shit when they walk into the bar. When the door man (one of the 3 characters that Cheech Marin plays) bitches about the beat down, which is after a very sexy, snake dance performance by Salma Hayek, the vampires bust out. Finally after so much pressure and build up, the movie explodes! BOOM! With blood of red and green everywhere, the 10 or 15 minute fight scene bursts into fire, wooden objects, crosses, and yes, even pencils. It is everything you would expect from Rodriguez and it’s just the right amount of gore and corn to keep the audience gasping and laughing. The movie goes on to have the few survivors regroup and then kick more vampire ass.

Although no vampires appear in the film until half way through the movie, they are worth the wait. I knew about this film for the majority of my life, but mostly hadn’t a clue that it was a vampire film until my recent Vampire in film and TV class that I just finished up. My professor suggested that I take a gander at the film, seeing as I prefer scary vampires over glittery ones, and boy am I glad I gave it another chance. The vampires in the film are more than grotesque, they may drink blood but their bodily fluids are green and slimy, when they are in their hunting form they are a combination of demon from hell, bats, and (because of the green body fluids) a 1984 Ghost Buster’s Slimer. But the vamps are a combination of horrifying and goofy at the same time. They are so over done in make up and prosthetic’s that you can’t help but chuckle at what some of them look like.

There is great character development for nearly all the leads, and there are some incredible, memorable one liners and zings throughout the movie. The way that it is filmed is too fold, it is that classic grind-house motif, and since Rodriguez and Tarantino are the creative minds behind it, it is their very recognizable style.

Overall, it’s sick, it’s sadistic, it’s gore, it’s horror, it’s humorous, it’s cheesy, it’s original, it’s everything you want for a fun, scary, bloody good time of a QT and Rodriguez film.

10 for 10 in the action/horror genre.

~Jacki K

Cabin in the Woods (2012) BLOODY GOOD ORIGINAL FUN.

So if your reading this you are about to read a review praising the movie Cabin in the Woods, which came out this past Friday the 13th. I was not lucky enough to see this film opening night on midnight like I would have preferred because A.) I was throwing a party on Friday, and B.) everyone I knew was being a pussy and did not want to go to a midnight showing Thursday night. Fools, ALL OF THEM.

So Saturday opening weekend night rolls around, Hunger Games is still number one in the box office, and I cry myself awake. I am like, where are all my horror fans at, why are they not supporting this seemingly AWESOME trailer ? I mean if you want to see some sadistic shit, GO SEE CABIN!

Onto the review. I had no idea what to think about when I was going into this movie aside from: Critics and movie goers are all enjoying this movie. Do you have any idea how often that happens in the horror/slasher genre? THAT NEVER FUCKING HAPPENS. This movie has everything that a Slasher Film needs. It has your 5 basic prototype characters that have been around since the dawn of this genre: The Whore (to die first only after the tit/sex shot), The Fool (stoner/drunk who is only there for comic relief, to die second), The Athlete (to die only after taking “the reins” of the situation and telling everyone to split up), The Scholar (who is now part of the “Final Pairing,” in movies always dies “unexpectedly” in a a jump), and lastly The Virgin, aka Final Girl, aka Scream Queen, aka “I make it to at least one sequel.”  With the prototypes set up you can tell before even walking into the movie the order of the death scenes. Along with all that, you have your screaming at the screen, your jumps, and your awesome scenery.

Now for once, this is not a slasher film that gets its glory by guts and how well the death scenes are done. This movie is renouncing that typical play because this movie is satirical of those movies. Drew Goddard, with his directorial debut,  is taking the next step after what Wes Craven did during the Scream franchise. So, in short, this film is all about the characters and their stupid-ass actions, not how creative a death scene can be. But there is so much more to this film than even just the “Prototype Characters,” there are actors and characters in this film that you wouldn’t know were in it because of the “second layer” they are bringing to this film. That second layer being the reason for all slasher films, and it is done brilliantly. I do not want this review to have any spoilers, so I will not go into that portion. But this second layer is what makes this film so damn good, what makes it original. For once, there is something original that Hollywood has finally fucking done, and I could not be more ecstatic about it. The “nightmares” that they create in this film, they are done so nicely, some of them you laugh at, others are actually frightening, but for the most part it is just good old fashion fun. For any Slasher/Horror fan I highly suggest you go see this in theaters. If you wait, you will regret it. I promise you, there are some jumps here, but it is not about the scares, it is all about “what the fuck is happening here and what is going to come next.”

“Hey guys, lets check out that unexpected occurrence that just happened.”

And the acting is for once actually good for once, although you sit there and want to scream at the characters, but that’s all part of the fun. And there is no happy ending in this either, like any other film in this genre, but it is done with such bad assery, that it doesn’t even matter. I loved the whore, she was great, although like always “it should had been me.” The “Fool” was by far my favorite character, he is the only one who wised up and realizes that there is a “conspiracy” going on, which here I have been referring to as second layer. What is great about him is that he is doped up on pot the whole time, so of course he is the only one saying “Guys not a good idea.” He is the Shaggy to the Mystery Inc, who is the only one with any real world sense. Come to think of it the prototypes were most likely created out of the fucking Scooby Gang, then, after that, horror movies started doing it. But really its like the question, “What came first? The chicken or the egg?” Or in this case, the stupid prototypes or the killers?

Over all the performances are great throughout the film by everyone. The only person I hated was ‘The Virgin’ and that is because SHE WAS DUMB AS FUCK. She is actually the person that brings on the wrath for blood and death.

Overall the movie is a fun ride, and as satirical as it is, I think it does a great job of bringing something new to the table. The camera angles, the soundtrack/composed music, the scenery; all of it comes together to make a cinematograph piece of art. I praise the cast and crew along with Drew Goddard and Josh Wedon for making this bloody fun, brilliant film. I applaud you my dear sirs. And to you the reader, stop reading, get in your car, and go buy a damn ticket to THIS MASTERPIECE. BYE!

For once reader, I give you 10 out of 10 daggers.

~Jacki K

Also, if any of my readers do want spoilers, leave me a comment. We will discuss there, also anyone who also saw the movie, what do you think about the review?