Stitches (2012)

Stitches poster

A Clown with a Killer Attitude

Stitches is a a fun clever horror movie that delivers on so many damn levels it’s hard to believe that is took my this long to watch it. The comedy, horror was recently added to Netflix this year, and had been in my queue for a hot minute. The film begins brilliantly, with a clown fucking his mistress in full get-up, to only be disrupted with an alarm reminding him of a bastard’s party he has to entertain at. And even though Stitches, our clown (Ross Noble), isn’t the best entertainer, the kids at the party are just the worst! While the kids razz both Stitches, his jokes, and his tricks, they decide to play a mean joke on him and knock him over after one of the ass hole kids tie up his over-sized shoelaces.

Poor, poor Stitches, (*spoilers*) he falls on face first on a butcher knife that was poorly placed in a dishwasher that was never closed, like, at ALL!

So Stitches isn’t really about a killer clown, as I once thought from just the poster artwork available on Netflix. Stitches is about a dead clown coming back from the grave to wreak revenge on the shitty little Hellians who are having one hell of a rager about 10 years after they accidentally kill them.

The movie has some really gruesome kills in it, but oh my god! They are fun! Even the teenagers, I can’t help but like them too! I was pretty bummed when a few of the certain characters we murdered. But damn, the cats from across the pond really know how to get their gore on. The kills are creative, I’m like 80% sure each kid represented a deadly sin, but I can’t find anything online to corroborate that; the cinematography was done perfectly, almost in a satirical, comedic take of Quentin Tarantino’s films; and the overall pace of the movie builds perfectly, yet moves at an enjoyable pace.

Stitches is a great comedy horror and I highly recommend you take a shot at this clever take on a clown with a killer attitude.

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Unfriended

Unfriended (2015)

Unfriended Poster

Poster

Unfriended is a new type of found footage supernatural horror movie from the mind of Nelson Greaves and Levan Gabriadze, two relatively unknown Hollywood players new to the playing field. The story follows a group of friends who possibly bullied a girl enough to commit suicide. A girl, Laura Barns, who was supposedly a friend of theirs. The poor thing had a nasty video posted online of her, I will exclude the details of said video, as the mystery is part of the fun for the film, but even though the video itself isn’t that terrible, the bullying that follows is. 

Unfreinded is a film that represents today’s young adults in a clever and jaunting manner. A certain genre of horror has always represented what today’s youth use on a regular basis. The horror manifests from the seemingly daily objects that have become a HUGE part of their daily lives. See Paranormal Activity, One Missed Call, The RingPoltergeist, and Christine as a reminder for nearly every decade. And for that reason alone, Unfriended, which takes place all in one take while on a group Skype call between high school friends, is a brilliant movie for teenagers. There’s a bit of sex, enough gore, and just enough social satire to wake up the youths of today about show shitty cyber-bulling can be….. And that the dead bullied will return from the dead to kill off her bullies in by far the most deserving manner.

Again, I want to avoid spoilers, but pay attention to the different props each friend has in their own frame. They make a point of using them for good reason because Laura Barns’ spirit uses them against themselves. And for this reason, I feel as though Unfriended could be the next Final Destination. There is a quick scene of our protagonist searching the internet for information on the dead communicating via the internet after their death. What I picture, for a sequel that is, something along the lines of Final Destination 3, where we have another group of friends talking about the suicide of a bullied friend and bring up the topic of Laura Burns. A death that happened a few towns over and then all of the girl’s friends off and kill themselves as well. They begin to research and weird things start happening with them. The same as the beginning of Unfriended. After one friend mysteriously kills themselves, we learn more about what happened during the first movie, and how the media responded to it. I think this is a great way to continue the story. Because honestly the best part of the movie, aside from the self-prophecy kills; is the mysterious supernatural aspect behind it and figuring out what the “Laura Barns Kill Yourself” video contained.

Overall, Unfriended delivers a decent horror movie based around today’s technology and a real social issue that many young kids are dealing with on a regular basis. For that reason I recommend the film, but it would also be a much better movie (and scare) if watched at home… alone… in the dark…. with only the soft glow of your laptop.

IT FOLLOWS (2015)

It Follows Poster

It Follows Poster

It Followsdirected and written by David Robert Mitchell, is an urban legend gone wrong, by actually happening to poor Jay (Maika Monroe). Our protagonist Jay (possible short for Jamie *cough, Jamie Lee Curtis, cough*) is followed by what could be cleverly called a Sexually Transmitted Demon, after sleeping with Hugh (Jake Weary), a guy she presumably thought she knew. Jay and her family believes that Hugh (real name Jeff) just fucked with her mind, telling her that this shape-shifting supernatural being that was walking slowly towards Jay while Hugh had her drugged and tied to a wheelchair, would come after her and kill her. If it killed her it would come back after him and it will never stop walking towards its’ next victim. It’s slow, but never put yourself in a room with just one door, because it will get ya! But Hugh/Jeff wasn’t just fucking with Jay, Jay was about to learn quickly that this demon that only she and other infected’s could see was very real. 

It Follows works so well, and is legitimately “one of the most striking American horror films in years” because of the cinematography choices and musical score. You remember how you felt the first time you watched John Carpenter‘s Halloween? How you were looking for “the shape” in the background of every scene? How the music put you on edge and made you fear for the lives of the babysitters on screen? How just the right influx of music made you shiver at the pure thought of this thing getting closer to you? That’s what It Follows does, and it does it spectacularly. It also makes me nervous about sleeping around with people I hardly know. Luckily I am in a stable relationship and don’t have to worry about this demon that can look like anyone I know popping up in my life anytime soon. Because It Follows is spectacularly spooky. 

Animal (2014)

Said Naked-Mole Rat Humanoid Crossbreed

Said Naked-Mole Rat Humanoid Crossbreed

Animal is a 2014 creature feature that is a fun romp through the forest from beginning to end. The film is about 2 bickering biracial siblings taking their significant others, and a 5th gay wheel, to an old family hiking spot for some relaxing exertion? Why do people hike in groups? That’s just asking for trouble, and trouble is delivered.

The cast is filled out by some veteran actors and some newbs which make the movie both tolerable yet difficult to watch at certain points. The old live-action Peter Pan is in it, along with RJ Burger (who I love more than life itself), Big Daddy‘s shitty girlfriendRidge Forrester, and a Nickelodeon star in her first ever horror movie (I’m assuming). It’s a pretty tight cast with only 8 members on screen, which is an interesting take for a creature horror movie. Continue reading

Repulsion (Day 09 of 100)

repulsionposterRoman Polanskis 1965 Repulsion is one of the highest rated horror films of all time, the only other horror film on my list of 100ish days of Summer are Eyes Without A FaceAliens, Let the Right One In, Jaws, The Exorcist, Psycho, and depending on who you ask, also Vertigo and Rear Window. Although I must disagree, even as a seasoned movie watcher, from classics to b-rated movies, I appreciate all decent forms of cinematic-art, and I went in with pretty high hopes for Repulsion. I actually had downloaded it months before I decided to do this blogathon, and just hadn’t gotten around to it.

But the film is slow-paced for today’s audience and it relies on jumps far too much to even try to hold your attention between jumps. And you don’t become invested at all with ANY of the characters. And please, don’t think that I’m not a fan of Roman Polanski, because that would be a lie, I truly enjoyed Chinatown and his second installment of his “Horrors of living in an Apartment” trilogy: Rosemary’s Baby, but I also read the novel before hand. But there is just a huge disconnect to what must have been in his head, what main actress Catherine Deneuve was trying to portray, and how it aged over the years, because this film is a dud for this buff. The only part of the movie that held any sort of my interest was when a co-worker found a human heart in Carol’s (Deneuve) purse. And then did nothing about it. 

The movie relies heavily on music, symbolism, hallucinations, and movement, with hardly any dialogue, it expects you to jump to conclusions about the characters and the plot because the acting is terrible. I know Carol is suppose to be aloof and broken, which eventually leads to her *spoiler alert* murdering spree, but I think Catherine just doesn’t deliver. As simple was watching a woman stare blankly all the time.

"Symbolism"

“Symbolism”

Repulsion did nothing for me or my movie resume, aside from the fact that it is the first film to every present a woman having an orgasm, even if it was only audibly. Oh and that it, you know, represents what a woman becomes after being sexually abused, so it does have that going for it. Skip this one over and watch Rosemary’s Baby or even This is the End if you want a horror movie based around men tormenting somebody in someone’s home, because Hell, at least then, we have the Devil as a plausible explanation.

From Dusk Till Dawn (A Review)

So I have no idea why it has taken me just about a decade of personal viewing freedom to finally watch From Dusk Till Dawn, but today, May 12, 2012, I finally have. And may I just say, like always, I’m late to one gruesome, amazing party. This is definitely not the first Robert Rodriguez film that I have been exposed to, but hot damn, its probably my favorite now. I’ve tried catching the film on TV and let me tell you: bad idea. First time I tried viewing this, I missed the first ten minutes of it and thought it was droll as hell. This is a movie you need to watch uninterrupted by commercials, and from the beginning. Especially if you are into the gritty crime/action twisted with horror genre, this film will get you aroused.

The basis of the movie is revolved around two criminal brothers Seth and Richard Gecko (played brilliantly by George Clooney and Quentin Tarantino) who are trying to meet up with Seth’s “business partner” at a bar in Mexico called the Titty Twister. Apparently they need hostages to make it there and cross the boarder, so enter a broken family of 3: Jacob, Kate, and Scott Fuller. Jacob, the father, was once a priest, but lost faith when his wife died in a car accident (*shocker*). Kate and Scott, two teenagers trying to figure out where the hell their fathers faith went are struggling with the impromptu drive around the country in a trailer home bit, but the family in a whole keep it together for the most part when they become hostages. Kate, played by a young Juliette Lewis, is dynamite, playing young and innocent, but as the film goes on, she losses her innocence and becomes a bad ass, vampire fighting machine.

Where do the vampires come in you ask though? Oh about right around the half way marker, when the Gecko’s make the poor decision to treat the “Pussy” door man like shit when they walk into the bar. When the door man (one of the 3 characters that Cheech Marin plays) bitches about the beat down, which is after a very sexy, snake dance performance by Salma Hayek, the vampires bust out. Finally after so much pressure and build up, the movie explodes! BOOM! With blood of red and green everywhere, the 10 or 15 minute fight scene bursts into fire, wooden objects, crosses, and yes, even pencils. It is everything you would expect from Rodriguez and it’s just the right amount of gore and corn to keep the audience gasping and laughing. The movie goes on to have the few survivors regroup and then kick more vampire ass.

Although no vampires appear in the film until half way through the movie, they are worth the wait. I knew about this film for the majority of my life, but mostly hadn’t a clue that it was a vampire film until my recent Vampire in film and TV class that I just finished up. My professor suggested that I take a gander at the film, seeing as I prefer scary vampires over glittery ones, and boy am I glad I gave it another chance. The vampires in the film are more than grotesque, they may drink blood but their bodily fluids are green and slimy, when they are in their hunting form they are a combination of demon from hell, bats, and (because of the green body fluids) a 1984 Ghost Buster’s Slimer. But the vamps are a combination of horrifying and goofy at the same time. They are so over done in make up and prosthetic’s that you can’t help but chuckle at what some of them look like.

There is great character development for nearly all the leads, and there are some incredible, memorable one liners and zings throughout the movie. The way that it is filmed is too fold, it is that classic grind-house motif, and since Rodriguez and Tarantino are the creative minds behind it, it is their very recognizable style.

Overall, it’s sick, it’s sadistic, it’s gore, it’s horror, it’s humorous, it’s cheesy, it’s original, it’s everything you want for a fun, scary, bloody good time of a QT and Rodriguez film.

10 for 10 in the action/horror genre.

~Jacki K

Cabin in the Woods (2012) BLOODY GOOD ORIGINAL FUN.

So if your reading this you are about to read a review praising the movie Cabin in the Woods, which came out this past Friday the 13th. I was not lucky enough to see this film opening night on midnight like I would have preferred because A.) I was throwing a party on Friday, and B.) everyone I knew was being a pussy and did not want to go to a midnight showing Thursday night. Fools, ALL OF THEM.

So Saturday opening weekend night rolls around, Hunger Games is still number one in the box office, and I cry myself awake. I am like, where are all my horror fans at, why are they not supporting this seemingly AWESOME trailer ? I mean if you want to see some sadistic shit, GO SEE CABIN!

Onto the review. I had no idea what to think about when I was going into this movie aside from: Critics and movie goers are all enjoying this movie. Do you have any idea how often that happens in the horror/slasher genre? THAT NEVER FUCKING HAPPENS. This movie has everything that a Slasher Film needs. It has your 5 basic prototype characters that have been around since the dawn of this genre: The Whore (to die first only after the tit/sex shot), The Fool (stoner/drunk who is only there for comic relief, to die second), The Athlete (to die only after taking “the reins” of the situation and telling everyone to split up), The Scholar (who is now part of the “Final Pairing,” in movies always dies “unexpectedly” in a a jump), and lastly The Virgin, aka Final Girl, aka Scream Queen, aka “I make it to at least one sequel.”  With the prototypes set up you can tell before even walking into the movie the order of the death scenes. Along with all that, you have your screaming at the screen, your jumps, and your awesome scenery.

Now for once, this is not a slasher film that gets its glory by guts and how well the death scenes are done. This movie is renouncing that typical play because this movie is satirical of those movies. Drew Goddard, with his directorial debut,  is taking the next step after what Wes Craven did during the Scream franchise. So, in short, this film is all about the characters and their stupid-ass actions, not how creative a death scene can be. But there is so much more to this film than even just the “Prototype Characters,” there are actors and characters in this film that you wouldn’t know were in it because of the “second layer” they are bringing to this film. That second layer being the reason for all slasher films, and it is done brilliantly. I do not want this review to have any spoilers, so I will not go into that portion. But this second layer is what makes this film so damn good, what makes it original. For once, there is something original that Hollywood has finally fucking done, and I could not be more ecstatic about it. The “nightmares” that they create in this film, they are done so nicely, some of them you laugh at, others are actually frightening, but for the most part it is just good old fashion fun. For any Slasher/Horror fan I highly suggest you go see this in theaters. If you wait, you will regret it. I promise you, there are some jumps here, but it is not about the scares, it is all about “what the fuck is happening here and what is going to come next.”

“Hey guys, lets check out that unexpected occurrence that just happened.”

And the acting is for once actually good for once, although you sit there and want to scream at the characters, but that’s all part of the fun. And there is no happy ending in this either, like any other film in this genre, but it is done with such bad assery, that it doesn’t even matter. I loved the whore, she was great, although like always “it should had been me.” The “Fool” was by far my favorite character, he is the only one who wised up and realizes that there is a “conspiracy” going on, which here I have been referring to as second layer. What is great about him is that he is doped up on pot the whole time, so of course he is the only one saying “Guys not a good idea.” He is the Shaggy to the Mystery Inc, who is the only one with any real world sense. Come to think of it the prototypes were most likely created out of the fucking Scooby Gang, then, after that, horror movies started doing it. But really its like the question, “What came first? The chicken or the egg?” Or in this case, the stupid prototypes or the killers?

Over all the performances are great throughout the film by everyone. The only person I hated was ‘The Virgin’ and that is because SHE WAS DUMB AS FUCK. She is actually the person that brings on the wrath for blood and death.

Overall the movie is a fun ride, and as satirical as it is, I think it does a great job of bringing something new to the table. The camera angles, the soundtrack/composed music, the scenery; all of it comes together to make a cinematograph piece of art. I praise the cast and crew along with Drew Goddard and Josh Wedon for making this bloody fun, brilliant film. I applaud you my dear sirs. And to you the reader, stop reading, get in your car, and go buy a damn ticket to THIS MASTERPIECE. BYE!

For once reader, I give you 10 out of 10 daggers.

~Jacki K

Also, if any of my readers do want spoilers, leave me a comment. We will discuss there, also anyone who also saw the movie, what do you think about the review?

The Woman In Black (2012)

Today I had the fortune of viewing The Woman in black with a close friend     of mine, Zach. Thank god I went with a boy, because otherwise there would be some heavy lesbian vibes coming from my area due to the clutching of the hand and hiding into the shoulder.

So to say the least the PG-13 rated movie definitely delivered on not only jumps, but the psychological fears, and even the “yelling at the screen, don’t do that you dumb ass!” moments. When I first found out about the movie months ago at the Spike Scream Awards, I nearly shat myself. The  Daniel Radcliffe, one of my favorite actors, (yes I am obviously a Harry Potter FANATIC) in my favorite movie genre, horror. Here’s one of the first trailer’s for it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4D-87X3vVc. Re-watching the trailer now I unfortunately see how much of it they really show that’s in all of the movie. I suppose that could be a good thing though.

So Daniel’s character is Author Kipps, a lawyer who is going to finish the settlement and will of an old woman who recently passed that lived in a marsh. A scary mother fucking marsh that becomes isolated when the tide comes in, in a town that is riddled with superstitious folk that of course “warn strangers” to get the mother fucking hell out of the town before something bad happens. So it’s a pretty typical setup when it comes to horror stories, so no letdown there. As the movie progresses, at a casual pace, the audience begins to sweat and sweat a little bit more. The story upon why there is a “woman in black” begins to unravel and you find out that when she is seen, somehow, someway a child is killed. The movie shows this and it is so twisted to watch. Which leads to me point out one of the great scenes that were shot. The wealthiest man of the county,  the only man with an actual car (1st car in the county, “still scares the town folks”), takes Author to the marsh house, claim he will pick him up at 11pm when the tide clears at night. Now of course Author makes the stupid move of “Oh no sir I’d like to work through the night.” STUPIDEST MOVE EVER, now the rich guy, claims he is not “superstitious” like the rest of the town but when you see his face at this and his offer: “well at least take the dog.” You, as the audience sigh and laugh a bit, and then think, WAIT NO, NOW THE DOG IS GOING TO DIE THE DIRECTOR HAD NO PROBLEM KILLING KIDS! But *one small spoiler alert* the dog does not die. Trust me every few scenes I was whispering “Where’s the dog!” to my friend, to my relief he was never killed. But this night, the scenes that followed that small breath of humor, are some of the scariest in the film, and makes the 10 bucks well worth the film.

That’s enough of a summary of the movie, I do not want to give anymore away about it. Not that I’ve said anything that wasn’t really covered in any of the TV spots or trailers.

The films lives up to everything I wanted it to be. It’s not a complete (2007) Dead Silence-esq movie because you do not hear the “nursery rhyme” at all in this film that is in the trailer’s, but it holds up to that kind of movie. I loved Dead Silence but I feel as though movie goers of any kind (whether they liked DS or not) they would enjoy this movie.

The acting is great, I applaud Radcliffe’s performance, and after the first 3 minutes of the movie in which I was chuckling to myself *Harry Potter with mutton chops, I freaking love this* I sank directly into the story. It is a great break out role for him to establish himself as a serious actor, because unlike Dead Silence this movie is much more credible and not so much cheese. There are a few scenes that do make you laugh out loud about but I take these as well deserved breaths of air that were inserted properly by the director to give the audience a break from the tension. The scenes were shot spectacularly and the toys you see in the movie are absolutely SCARY AS SIN, I AM SO HAPPY I WAS NOT A KID IN THAT AGE. The music goes well along with it, and it even does a great job of misleading you to believe that something scary is about to happen, then it doesn’t, and THEN IT DOES. Over all considering this is not even rated R and the film does a spectacular job of scaring the wits out of me (I nearly broke my friends arm when I was holding his hand and jumped like a little girl) without using gore or blood. There is maybe one scene with blood, a beautiful scene at that, and one gross out scene in the marsh. There is no gore in this movie which is why it’s so great to me, that they were able to get us scared with our hearts and our minds, not our stomachs like most horror movies out today.

I give this film a 9 out of 10 daggers for horror.

 

~Jacki K