Tragedy Girls (2017) Everything You Want & More for Todays’ Horror Fans

Last year I heard rumors of a film festival horror movie that I knew I’d enjoy. Two teenage girls obsessed with the macabre who are trying to make it in the blogging world. Whose obsession just so happens to borderline the psychotic. PERFECT! Exactly what I want to watch to get my horror fix in. But dammit I can’t find it on Kodi anywhere. Flash forward a year later, Terrarum is the new Kodi, and Tragedy Girls is finally available to stream.

At this point, I’d forgotten about the movie and the poster artwork had changed online. I did no research aside from reading the short summary and decided to toss it on, hoping that it could be bearable for more than the usual 10 minutes I’d give a no-name horror movie a chance to hold my attention.  And whoo boy did it deliver.

We open with two teenagers making out in a secluded lover’s lane on a bridge reminiscent of My Soul to Take. The blonde girl hears something spooky outside. She literally has to call her date a pussy and tell him to man up to do the horror cliche thing and go check on the spooky noises. Because for once it seems like you have a smart character in a horror movie. It doesn’t take but a mere minute for the poor boy from being stiff to being A stiff, as the Killer emerges and takes care of business.

The Killer chases the young girl screaming through the woods, you assume, she will be an easy next, but this isn’t your typical horror movie. A trap is set, but it’s not BY the Killer, it is FOR the Killer. The blonde captures the Michael Myers knockoff with her best friend who emerges from the dark. And then, as they cut to black and open on the tied up Killer, bombard him with questions, and then finish off his dirty work on the blonde’s date, you realize, this movie is so much more than your typical slasher flick.

Brianna Hildebrand (also known as Negasonic Teenage Warhead) plays Sadie Cunningham (named after horror director Sean Cunningham, of Friday the 13th‘s fame)  and Alexandra Shipp (also a character in the Marvel universe as a young Storm) plays her best friend McKayla Hooper (named after Tobe Hooper of Texas Chainsaw Massacre and the Poltergeist fame) who grew up together and have a pretty sick hobby in common, their online personalities known as The Tragedy Girls who consider themselves small-town detectives of their local serial killer (seen above).

At first, you believe okay, they’re just putting the first boy toy out of his misery, but soon, as they attempt to murder Alexandra’s moony ex-boyfriend (played perfectly satirical by an uncredited Josh Hutcherson) and frame the serial killer they just kidnapped in the process you come to the conclusion, this is the best final girl movie twist that you could have ever since Cabin in the Woods. 

Not only are there nods to all the great slasher films, but even at moments you think they’ll pull a Carrie, and then you’re like nope this is more Prom Night, they shock you all over again. Much of Tragedy Girls can seem trite or predictable, from the upcoming kills and who they victimize, but it’s wrapped up in such a wonderful candy covered exterior, that you don’t even mind. If you’re looking for a fun slash film that you and your horror friends can giggle at, adore, and try to guess the next gory scene, the familiarity but newness of Tragedy Girls is the perfect film for you.

The cast is marvelous, the writing makes the over-used horror cliches fun, and the overall cinematography is fun and hard to peel your eyes away from. I give it a full 5 eyes of attention span and highly suggest you give this fun movie a run for its money.

Better Watch Out: A Twist on Christmas Invasion

Better Watch Out is a little gem available on Amazon Prime for a buck to rent that I decided to try out on Christmas day. With the marketing material, it would seem that this would be the perfect new horror movie to watch on the holiday, but it is a bit misleading. Aside from the house being decked out with Christmas decorations, and a slight bit of tension with some outside decorations falling at an inopportune moment, it doesn’t live up to it’s Christmas scene. Which is disappointing but not terrible because the film still delivers.

Hell House LLC Delivers a Decent Found Footage Experience

Amazon Prime is a great resource for shopping and a few shows and movies here and there. But in my personal experience, I have had just the worst luck with horror movies. I mean the ones you rent or buy are fine, but the Horror Prime selection has always been weak with a difficult rating system to follow. Do their star ratings go off of your previous habits, off of other people with similar taste, and why can’t I rate an item after watching it anymore? So when trying to find a new horror film after exhausting curated lists online of what movies to watch on what streaming site, I tend to go for a film that is rated 3.5 stars or more on Prime for my horror addition.

It proved a worthy system this weekend with a 2/3 success rate. I binged on Dead Body (winner), Red Christmas (loser), which then suggested All Through the House (a major loser as I stopped after about 10 minutes, that tit stab in the shower was where I ended), and then went searching again and found the lovely Hell House LLC. Which is what we will talk about today. It is, by all means, an Indie horror film that was released in 2015 but also screened in 2016 by some outlets. 

The Entitled Show You Didn’t Know You Needed in Your Life: Search Party

Once in a while, you get tired of the commercials and social media suggested posts and give in to a thing you’ve been getting bombarded over. That’s actually the whole point of online target sales, but occasionally, they get it right. Which is what happened to me and TBS’s little sleeper, soon to be a cult hit: Search Party. 

I watch a LOT of TV. Some may say an unhealthy amount, but I kept getting commercials thrown at me for Search Party while just watching re-runs of South Park on Comedy Central. And then I kept seeing these cute social video posts and gifs of this stupid ass show and eventually gave in.

Stitches (2012)

A Clown with a Killer Attitude

Stitches is a a fun clever horror movie that delivers on so many damn levels it’s hard to believe that is took my this long to watch it. The comedy, horror was recently added to Netflix this year, and had been in my queue for a hot minute. The film begins brilliantly, with a clown fucking his mistress in full get-up, to only be disrupted with an alarm reminding him of a bastard’s party he has to entertain at. And even though Stitches, our clown (Ross Noble), isn’t the best entertainer, the kids at the party are just the worst! While the kids razz both Stitches, his jokes, and his tricks, they decide to play a mean joke on him and knock him over after one of the ass hole kids tie up his over-sized shoelaces.

The Quiet Ones (2014)

“INSPIRED BY ACTUAL EVENTS”

The Quiet Ones is a supernatural, demonic horror film with a slow build and a fizzle of a climax. It is yet another “inspired by actual events” story of a young girl possessed by an inexpiable personality. It takes place during the 70s (typical) and follows a professor (Jared Harris), two of this doting students (Erin Richards and Rory Fleck-Byrne), and a young camera-man (Sam Claflin) looking to gain some experience and a bit of knowledge about a young, disturbed girl (Olivia Cooke, Emma of Bates Hotel) and her “medical treatment.”

Unfriended (2015)

Poster

Unfriended is a new type of found footage supernatural horror movie from the mind of Nelson Greaves and Levan Gabriadze, two relatively unknown Hollywood players new to the playing field. The story follows a group of friends who possibly bullied a girl enough to commit suicide. A girl, Laura Barns, who was supposedly a friend of theirs. The poor thing had a nasty video posted online of her, I will exclude the details of said video, as the mystery is part of the fun for the film, but even though the video itself isn’t that terrible, the bullying that follows is. 

Unfreinded is a film that represents today’s young adults in a clever and jaunting manner. A certain genre of horror has always represented what today’s youth use on a regular basis. The horror manifests from the seemingly daily objects that have become a HUGE part of their daily lives. See Paranormal Activity, One Missed Call, The Ring, Poltergeist, and Christine as a reminder for nearly every decade. And for that reason alone, Unfriended, which takes place all in one take while on a group Skype call between high school friends, is a brilliant movie for teenagers. There’s a bit of sex, enough gore, and just enough social satire to wake up the youths of today about show shitty cyber-bulling can be….. And that the dead bullied will return from the dead to kill off her bullies in by far the most deserving manner.

Animal (2014)

Said Naked-Mole Rat Humanoid Crossbreed

Animal is a 2014 creature feature that is a fun romp through the forest from beginning to end. The film is about 2 bickering biracial siblings taking their significant others, and a 5th gay wheel, to an old family hiking spot for some relaxing exertion? Why do people hike in groups? That’s just asking for trouble, and trouble is delivered.

The cast is filled out by some veteran actors and some newbs which make the movie both tolerable yet difficult to watch at certain points. The old live-action Peter Pan is in it, along with RJ Burger (who I love more than life itself), Big Daddy‘s shitty girlfriend, Ridge Forrester, and a Nickelodeon star in her first ever horror movie (I’m assuming). It’s a pretty tight cast with only 8 members on screen, which is an interesting take for a creature horror movie.

Wolf Creek 2

So last night my remote decided I wanted to watch 2013’s Wolf Creek 2. I was like:

Sure why not,  it may or may not be torture porn but like, it has 2 stars,  I’ve watched horror movies with a lower recommendation than that.

Now I’ll admit,  I’m not the biggest fan of the torture porn genre of horror.  It’s by far the lowest point of the genres,  but it takes a lot of balls and creativity to come up with some of the ways the killer massacres their victims. That is one point I’ll always give ’em. I also have not watched the original Wolf Creek from shit, was it 2005? I’m writing this on the mobile app,  tough to check that shit.

Grabbers (2012)

Grabbers is a creature film that takes place in an island off the coast of Ireland and focuses around the whole town getting shit-faced to survive. Happy St. Patrick’s Day everyone.

To celebrate, I tried finding the most Irish movie on Netflix to watch (aside from the Leprechaun, because fuck that shit). With the help of Kris Holt, I decided on Jon Wright‘s Grabbers. The beginning of the film shows a bright, burning light falling down to the ocean surrounding the wee town. So it’s bit of a cross between creature and alien film but without the scares.